Let us return to this halcyon indoor water park, a place of weird games and spies and paranoia run rampant, and see if we can suss out the spy in Bangtan’s mix. The previously on is set to Not Today, lending an even more dramatic tone than my intro sentence just did, at least until Yoongi shows up to announce the 4th game looking cute as a little button.
Setup:
The boys have played three games of head-to-head water-based competitions to determine how much / which food they get at the wrap party. The maknaes have dominated the hyungs, though the hyungs finally got some actual food in their last game and are feeling very full of themselves. Meanwhile THE SPY lurks in their midst, trying to fuck up everything and steal their food for himself.
The Moments of Pure Love:
- 1.
Namjoon, after living through 3 games where no one asked him what the pun is for the Ilsan One Mount facility when he brought it up before, tries posing it as a quiz question
- 2.
Yoong immediately says that it’s because it’s in Ilsan, taking the wind out of Namjoon’s sails, but he perseveres and explains Il = One and San = Mountain when translated to English anyway
- 3.
Game 4 involves each member sliding down a waterslide then doing math at the bottom
- 4.
Jungkook says he might not look like he’s good at math but actually he IS, said with the full confidence of someone who just graduated high school like, last year
- 5.
Jin pop quizzes him with 4+2x16 and Jungkook nails it (36)
- 6.
Jimin goes first down the slide and he goes so slow that he gets stuck in the middle of the slide and has to scoot himself down it with his feet
- 7.
They accuse him of being scared but the staff says you have to go in the right position or you get stuck
- 8.
I have to explain here that the slide dumps out into like a crazy bowl thing that, if you’re going fast enough, you circle like a marble spinning around a funnel, which is what makes it hard to see the math problem if you’re going at any kind of speed
- 9.
Jimin bangs his head on the side but is easily able to see his math problem because he’s basically walking
- 10.
Jungkook, next, flings himself down the slide as fast as humanly possible, but it’s still not very fast
- 11.
He claims the card was crumpled so he could not see his math problem, and Jimin says he can’t complain because Jimin is a winner?
- 12.
Taehyung says that he believes in Jikook but does not believe in himself, then slides down at a Jungkookian pace until he spits out into the circle funnel; he doesn’t even see that a card exists
- 13.
When he tries to stand up to leave he falls over and the hyungs all laugh at him
- 14.
Namjoon goes first for the hyungs and is smugly confident about knowing his math answer in a way that’s sort of annoying and sort of sexy, which is his niche
- 15.
Namjoon has abandoned his towel buns but Jin’s will be pried out of his cold dead hands as he goes, warbling at the top of his lungs
- 16.
Jin misses his math problem (16+6-2); Taehyung tries to give him a hint by saying it’s between 10 and 20, Namjoon corrects him with between 1-10, Taehyung corrects himself to say it’s either 1 or 2, Jin ignores them both and guesses 25
- 17.
Jin blames the Go Pro stick for being in his way, and Namjoon calls him THE SPY
- 18.
Hoseok goes last and he’s very scared so Yoongi pushes him then laughs at his screaming
- 19.
It is really difficult to overstate how hot Yoongi looks in these episodes - he is absolutely glowing with his messy fringe and perfect cheeks
- 20.
Hoseok couldn’t see his math problem so they all tell him it was between 1 and 20; Hoseok believes them and guesses 3 but it was 42
- 21.
Jin accuses Hoseok of being THE SPY
- 22.
Yoongi takes a turn on the slide just for fun but can’t see a math problem either
- 23.
Because they tied, Yoongi sends Namjoon, Jin, Jimin and Jungkook up there to try it again, this time wearing only a rash guard for maximum speed
- 24.
Namjoon goes first, significantly faster, then spins around the lower slide like a loose penny and isn’t 100% sure what math he saw; when he guesses wrong he is truly devastated with himself
- 25.
Jimin of the perfect body control once again goes down more sedately and manages to bring himself to a stop very quickly to see his math
- 26.
He swaggers down to the rest of them confidently, running his hand through his blonde locks and nailing it with a smirk
- 27.
Jungkook once again flings himself down the slide with reckless abandon, then jumps into the hot tub with the rest of them and confidently yells his answer
- 28.
Jungkook looks like Michael Phelps with his shoulder-to-waist ratio and it’s very distracting
- 29.
Jin hoots his way down and squeaky laughs with Yoongi as he admits he didn’t see shit
- 30.
Maknaes win and Taehyung picks churros and butter fried rice
- 31.
Namjoon picks fried chicken for the hyung line and Jimin tries to defect and claims he’s not THE SPY
- 32.
Yoongi reminds them that if they don’t find the spy they don’t get to eat
- 33.
Jungkook says he thinks Yoongi is THE SPY, and Yoongi does a Phoenix Wright objection because he’s the MC even though Jungkook makes a good point that they made Yoongi do the headphones role assignment at the beginning just like the rest of them
- 34.
Game 5, the last game, involves two people going down a slide on a double tube, then having to do that game where you get a keyword and everyone has to do the same gesture for it at the same time
- 35.
Hoseok claims that THE SPY is likely to be on the losing team, historically
- 36.
Namjin go down, Jin screaming once more, then they have to get out and act out “camel”; they fail utterly
- 37.
2seok scream in perfect harmony on their go; Hoseok seems truly shocked that he didn’t die on the way down and almost cries
- 38.
Namjoon gets too excited when running down exiting water path like he’s on Baywatch and totally falls on his ass
- 39.
Hyung line fails the keywords of soccer player Park Jisung and Jungkook but finally get it on cat with some generous grading - the impression is given that this has all taken way longer to film than the production team expected
- 40.
Taekook are just happy to be here, but they fail to do a synchronized bean sprout
- 41.
They also fail Bang Sihyuk, heart (because Taehyung pre-signaled their gesture), but get ppooing-ppoing, an aegyo gesture, no problem
- 42.
The tiebreaker involves them all trying to do gorilla, where Yoongi declares the hyung team the winner until the makanes point out that Jin changed his gesture midway
- 43.
The tape bears this out but Yoongi doesn’t have access to this so instead they all argue / discuss so long that they have to fast forward it at like 8 times speed until Yoongi can say fine, the hyungs win
- 44.
Hoseok picks chicken nuggets and Jin picks soft drinks
- 45.
Jimin picked Coke, which doesn’t seem that distinct from soft drinks to me but what do I know it could be a translation problem
- 46.
Maknaes end up with 8 dishes to hyungs’ 5, so the hyungs have to have a penalty but only two of them can do it
- 47.
The maknaes decides that Namjoon has been the biggest contributor / NON-SPY so he doesn’t have to do it
- 48.
The penalty is truly horrific, sending 2seok out into below-freezing temperatures to go down a scary water slide, but at least they get to wear puffy coats
- 49.
It is kind of incredible they let them do this considering that if they get sick that’s a lot of performing they cant do, but at least 2seok are the most entertaining terrified members of the team as they both nearly astral project into another dimension as they go
- 50.
The end… until the food and SPY party next week
The Finish Line:
The amount of spy accusations went down this week but the amount of rules lawyering increased dramatically! This is before the production team really nailed down the idea that these guys will cheat at anything and everything regardless of video evidence, so they were a little softer than they will turn out to be in the future, and we are the gainers by it!
Even more hilarious is despite the amount of rules lawyering it’s clear that they don’t all grasp the rules around the spy, so it just goes to show that they can argue about things they don’t even understand until everyone is too tired to deal with it.
I have to admit I was kind of surprised when we got to the end and there still wasn’t a spy reveal; I had remembered it all being part of the same episode, but clearly my memory cannot be relied upon. So we have one more episode to consider who the spy might be before they argue and accuse and argue and debate and argue endlessly once more about who was messing them up the whole time. Do you know who it is? Probably, but let’s find out together next time!